Finding the Space Between The Breaths

Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust, wrote something that changed my life: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response."

When you're in a toxic dynamic or dealing with high stress, that space disappears. Someone yells, and you yell back. Someone ignores you, and you spiral into panic. It feels automatic. You don't have a choice; you're just reacting.

But that space is still there. You just need to widen it.

One of the most powerful ways to do this is to pause and observe what's happening inside of you. Mindfulness practices, which have been studied extensively (a 2014 review in JAMA Internal Medicine looked at 47 trials and found they significantly reduce anxiety and depression), work because they train you to notice without immediately acting.

Instead of thinking, "They hate me," you can think, "I notice my chest is tight. I notice I'm feeling panicked. I notice this started after they sent that text." That small shift - adding the word "I notice" - creates a gap. In that gap - in that space - you have a choice. You can choose to breathe. You can choose to walk away. You can choose to say nothing.

This is where tracking becomes your best friend. If you have a habit of logging your triggers, you're essentially practicing that pause every single time you open the app or notebook. You're forcing yourself to stop, look, and name what's happening. You're training your brain to insert intentionality into what used to be automatic.

It's not about stopping the feeling. It's about stopping the reaction. And the more you practice noticing through logging, the bigger that space gets. Eventually, you won't just react anymore. You'll respond. And that changes everything.

Reference: Goyal, M., et al. (2014). Meditation programs for psychological stress and well-being. JAMA Internal Medicine, 174(3), 357-368. Link to study